I Don't Want Kids...

     I think that sometimes, I’m afraid to be 100% transparent because of the fear of being judged. The fear that someone is not going to like this or approve of that and I sacrifice what I want because I care   to much about everybody else. Growing up I had this idea in my head of who I was supposed to be but my dad wanted me to be a doctor. He said that I would never have to worry about money. That being a doctor was going to set me up for life. His plan sounded great except for this minor little thing. I hate the sight of blood. I hate the sight, smell, and sound of throw up. 

     They make my stomach flip, I get nauseous and they are just not something that I have ever been able to handle. And as much as it pains my dad, I am not going into the medical field. And even though I know that he loves me, a part of me always feels like I'm letting him down. Trust me, I stood in front of t the mirror many a times, trying to convince myself that I could do it.  I mean as many sacrifices as he's made for me, why can't I just do him this one solid. 

     I said all of that to preface what I'm about to say. I'm letting you in on a secret. Something that I realized about myself within the past few days and if I'm being quite honest, something that scares the living daylights out of me. I don't think that I want children. WHAT? But I'm a girl, I want to be a teacher, I love kids, WHAT? How is this possible? How have I living 19 years without knowing this about myself? The answer: I HAVE NO IDEA! I'm not even sure how I came to this realization but the more that I think about it the more it makes sense. 

     I wasn't that little girl that liked playing house as a kid, or dressing up my Barbies, or wanting to have a million kids. I don't even know how to braid hair. That life never really intrigued me. I wanted to go to school, learn, read books, travel, talk, eat, and experience as much of life as a can. And honestly, not much has changed. I have a list of countries that I want to visit, recipes that I want to try, people I want to meet, and goals that I want to accomplish. Now I'm not saying that all of these things can't be done with children, I'm just saying that for myself, I don't see it working out. Now, I'm only 19 so my views can change or maybe they'll stay right where they are. I don't know. All I know is that at this very moment, I do not have the desire to be a mother.

     Maybe it's because I'm 19 years old and I'm at that stage in life where I can't/don't want to think to far into the future. What if I plan my whole life right now, and it doesn't play out the way that I thought it would. What then? I map out my whole life. Graduation, settle down, work, travel, kids, and the rest of the mundane things that follow. What if I skip a step, or I don't get the opportunity to do something that I thought I was going to do. A part of it is my fear of not being in control. And the other part is the fear that I'll miss out on something great because I was to busy being afraid. So basically I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I know that the future scares me; I don't want to be 50 and living alone with my plethora of dogs. But I also don't want to spend my entire life chasing some twisted version of reality that I made up in my head.

     So maybe my realization isn't about kids, maybe it's about what the kids represent. The future, relinquishing control, loss of identity, and so much more. Maybe not wanting kids right now is my brains way of preparing me for the future or maybe it's just my brains way of letting me know that I'm afraid of the future. Whatever the case may be, not wanting kids right now is my latest discovery. What's yours? What has your body, mind or spirit being trying to tell you? Tap into it. Is it real? Is it a fear? Find out, and maybe you'll learn something new about yourself.

      

~ And that’s the way the cookie crumbles! ~

Why I Love You...

Dear Future Someone, 

Hey! I’ve been doing some thinking and I know that one day you are going to ask me why I love you, so I figured that now would be as good a time as ever to let you know why. I hope that you love and appreciate all of the things about yourself that I do. 

1.   I love you because you are 100% unapologetically yourself. 

2.  I love you because you accept me for being 100% unapologetically myself.  

3.  I love you because you have a passion; something that sets your soul on fire. 

4. I love you because you are not afraid to chase after your passion. 

5.  I love you because you are not afraid to call me out when needed.  

6.  I love you because you are sweet, kind, compassionate, loving, and gentle with everyone that you meet. 

7.  I love you because you have a desire to make the world a better place than how you found it. 

8.  I love you because you choose to see the good in everything.

9.  I love you because no matter how much I annoy you, 

you choose me. 

10.  I love you because you are selfless.

         11. I love you because you inspire me to follow my dreams. 

          12.  I love you just because you are you! 

I know that I don’t know you yet, (or maybe I do and we just haven't reached this level), whatever the case is, this is just a short list of the many reasons that I will grow to love you. I want to look at you one day when we’re sitting next to each other on rocking chairs and remember these things. I pray that I never forget why I love you. Why I choose you everyday. Why you are the one that I want to spend forever with. And maybe on a day when you’re feeling low, you can look at this and smile and know that no matter how bad life is looking, you’ll always have me in your corner cheering you on. 

Love Ya Sweets 💋

~ And that’s the way the cookie crumbles! ~

What A Common Tragedy

My answer has always been when and how? 

When are we going to meet? 

How long will I have to cry because I don’t feel good enough? 

How much heartbreak will I have to go through?

How many people are going to walk in and out of my life

Before I found the one who will stick around. 

And on those nights when I can't sleep and 

Thoughts that I try to suppress come front and center,

I think, 

What if they never come? 

What if we can't make it work? 

Or worse, 

What if we meet and fall in love,

But we aren't built to last...  

Oh My! What a common tragedy! 

~   And that’s the way the cookie crumbles! ~

I Was Told

I was told that one day someone would come into my life 

And make me re-think everything that I know. 

I was told that who I am would be enough. 

That I would be everything that they wanted 

And everything that they didn't know they needed.

 I was told that someone, somewhere was praying for me. 

Someone, somewhere could not wait for the day 

That our eyes would meet across the room. 

I was told that one day everything would make sense. 
Every heartbreak. Every lost friend. 
Every bad day. Every failure.    

Everything would make sense the moment that I met that person.  

MY PERSON. 

~   And that’s the way the cookie crumbles! ~

The Smaller Things

I’m afraid of being a screw up. 

My greatest fear is disappointing my parents. 

Sometimes I think that if people knew the real me, 

They would run away so fast in the other direction. 

I second-guess almost every decision that I make. 

I think that in the overall scheme of life, 

My problems don’t matter. 

Someone somewhere has it 100 times worse than me. 

I want everyone to feel accepted. 

I want everyone to accept me. 

I want to travel, but I’m afraid of what I’ll find. 

I crave to be in the real world, but I’m afraid that I wouldn't last a day. 

I want to be in love, but I’m afraid of getting my heart broken.   

I want to make a difference, but I’m afraid that my voice won’t get heard. 

I want to help people, but I’m afraid that I’m not qualified. 

But most importantly I’m afraid that if l disappeared

No one would even notice that I was gone. 

~   And that’s the way the cookie crumbles! ~

Liberty And Justice For All

   

     Social media plays a major role in how the American people view those in the black community. In majority of the movies, television shows, and documentaries they portray the blacks as low class, low income, with little or no education and having no respect for authority. While that may be the case for some people, it is not an accurate representation for the entire black community. Also, by showing this you are giving people a bias about them. Most television shows have a white mom and dad and a brother and a sister. Bombarding children with this portrayal of a "normal family" can make them feel unrepresented and disconnected from those who do not look like them and even those in their own community. It is time for the media to catch up to modern day society and allow equal representation for the average American. 

     So to the question how is Black Lives Matters reaching the community, the answer is simple; TECHNOLOGY. It is 2016, and it's almost impossible to find someone who does not have a cell phone these days.  For the ninety-nine percent of people that do have cell-phones, majority of them have smart phones, so the Internet is available to them at the tap of a screen. We are constantly being updated with the latest news. The Black Lives Matters organization has made it their goal to be at the forefront of social media outlets. Allowing people to know what happened and making sure to get all of the facts. They have made sure to try to keep an unbiased opinion. Thus, allowing everyone to be able to form his or her own opinion. 

     Also Black Lives Matters has been sure to keep everyone up-to-date on all hearings, convictions, and changes in government that have to do with anything that the organization believes in and supports.  "After all, Black Lives Matter began, quite modestly, as #BlackLivesMatter." (Rickford) Since then, they have been the go to source for all news regarding black, LGBT, and women updates. Especially for those who it is impossible to attend a protest or rally for the different causes, Black Lives Matters has been sure to keep them in the loop. 

      Black Lives Matters has done a wonderful job at joining many different types of people whom all have one thing in common; LIBERTY AND JUSTICE AND FOR EVERYONE.  Regardless of skin color, religion, background, sexuality, and orientation people have gathered to make sure that everyone knows that people are people and they deserve to be treated accordingly, point blank end of story. The people that do not agree with Black Lives Matters, have made it their job to discredit all of the work that they have done, have only proved on thing. THEY DO NOT VALUE THE BASIC RIGHTS OF PEOPLE. Whether they are racist, homophobic or just plain stupid is up to them to decide. But, as someone who is on the outside looking in, all I see are people that care for other people.  And that is a very beautiful sight to see. 

     America is nowhere near complete racial and sexual equality, but we have definitely come a long way in the past several years. I believe that a lot of that progress is owed to Black Lives Matters. They have stuck out their neck plenty of times for people that they have never met, and in some cases people that they will never meet. They have drawn attention to social injustices that may have been swept under the rug without their help. Black Lives Matters has taught people that they need to speak up for what they believe in, to seek justice for those that cannot do so for themselves, and that regardless of what you look like, whom you love, where you come from or what you believe that you are a person and you deserve to be treated accordingly. In the words on Jimmy Carter, “I say to you quite frankly that the time for racial discrimination is over.”
     
     I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read my little three part series. I had a lot on my chest and I wanted to put opinions out there. I hope you like it. Comment down below your ideas, thoughts, whether you agreed or disagreed with anything that I said, let me know. I want this to be a safe place where everyone can voice his or her opinions. Also, let me know what you guys would want to read next. Love you 💋

          ~ And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!~

#LGBTQ+

   

     Many people are unwilling to support rights for gay and lesbian persons. (Jenkins) Many people allow their personal judgments and convictions to cloud the basic rights of the American people. Whether or not you agree with the way that someone chooses to live their life, that SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY holdings on how they deserve to be treated. Someones lifestyle does not automatically take away their basic rights as a person.

     Majority of society, especially Christians have a bad reputation for shaming, judging, and mistreating those who do not live a lifestyle that they believe in or agree with. They take parts of the Bible and use it according to how they want to interact with others. As someone who does believe in God, it makes me sad to see the people who are supposed to show the love  of Christ the most, being the ones who are the least likely to give it away. 

     

     While everyone is entitled to their opinion, Black Lives Matters has made it a priority to advocate for the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, queer, and trans-gendered community. Two of the founders, Alicia Garza and Patrisse Cullors are queer black women. It would be impossible for them to see what is happening within their community and not speak up about it. They have made it a personal goal and mission to see that EVERYONE gets equal treatment. The presenter at the first national convention for Black Lives Matters was Elle Hearns, a trans black woman. She was chosen specifically to show that black women, queer and trans people can be leaders. Black Lives Matters has been at the head of all murders of trans-black women. 

     The movement does not just sit behind screens and simply report what has happened and how angry they feel. They are at conventions, on stages, in protests. They are making sure that people know what is going on and providing the tools that are needed to make a difference. Allowing people to ensure that their voices will be heard.  Nonetheless, these actions have not been without challenge. They have had to suffer antagonism from the public. A representative from Back Lives Matters spoke out and said “Believe that when we say Black Lives Matter, we mean all black lives matter.” 

     I think that it is important to see the value of everyone. Anyone you know can be a part of the #LGBTQ+ community. Whether it be your neighbor, or your mailman, your sibling, best friend, or your coworker. I think that sometimes it is important to remember the basic rights of people. Regardless of your personal feelings, people are people. Likewise with the black community, LGBTQ+ community, muslim community, hispanic community, or the white community, whatever community you find yourself resonating with, it is important to appreciate everyone's life path and let people do what is best for them.  

     Let's all make the decision to watch how we treat other people that do not necessarily fit into our "perfect world". Instead of judging people before we get to know them, let's make the decision to get to know them. Ask them to out to coffee, go for a walk or just sit down to talk to them. Ask them the questions that you have in your head. Let them ask you questions. Get to know each other. And THEN, if your two lifestyles don't mesh or you don't see a friendship happening, then that is okay. You tried, you put in the effort. But don't just close off an entire group of people because you're afraid to step out of your comfort zone. 

          ~ And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!~

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#BlackLivesMatter

    “Once upon a time they was two girls," I say. "One girl had black skin, one girl had white. "Mae Mobley look up at me. She listening. "Little colored girl say to little white girl, 'How come your skin be so pale?' White girl say, 'I don't know. How come your skin be so black? What you think that mean?' "But neither one a them little girls knew. So little white girl say, 'Well, let's see. You got hair, I got hair.' "I gives Mae Mobley a little tousle on her head. "Little colored girl say 'I got a nose, you got a nose.' "I gives her little snout a tweak. She got to reach up and do the same to me. "Little white girl say, 'I got toes, you got toes.' And I do the little thing with her toes, but she can't get to mine cause I got my white work shoes on. "'So we's the same. Just a different color', say that little colored girl. The little white girl she agreed and they was friends.” (Kathyrn Stockett) 

          Many people have the idea that Black Lives Matters is just an excuse for young people to act out against society and bash those in leadership. Many Americans do not understand how Black Lives Matters has given people a voice that either they did not know they had, or they did not know they needed. People, especially the older generation, see speaking out against the law or authority as bad behavior, disrespectful, and rebellious. They do not understand how Black Lives Matters can be a proper outlet for social justice. They do not understand why Black Lives Matters, matters. The Black Lives Matter movement is an accurate call for social justice in American society because it promotes awareness, equality, and action. 

          Many people do not understand the importance of Black Lives Matters and how they help or benefit society. Opal Tometi, co-founder of Black Lives Matter, spoke out to clarify the goal of the organizations and said “We founded #BlackLivesMatters in 2013, and we wanted to create a political space within and amongst our communities for activism that could stand firmly on the shoulders of movements that have come before us, such as the civil rights movement, while innovations on its strategies, practices, and approaches to finally centralize the leadership of those existing at the margins of our economy and our society.” Black Lives Matter is the cry of new movements against racist police violence, is brilliant in its simplicity. (Khury Peterson-Smith) 

      Black Lives Matter helps bring awareness by using its social media platforms to inform people about the mistreatment of people.  They show people that bad things are not to be brushed under the rug. It is important that people know what is going on. Police brutality is not a topic that should be ignored. People need to know what is happening in their world. Americans have gotten into this place of comfort, where they really do not care what is happening as long as it does not effect how they live their life. Unfortunately, the aftermath of racism inequality affects everyone. From the child of the victim, to the wife of the police officer, or to the next generation of black children who will have to live in the fear of police brutality. Bringing awareness to the racial inequality and injustice in America is one of the most important and necessary characteristics of how the Black Lives Matters movement an accurate call for social injustice in American society.

                 ~ And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!~

I Am Enough

Growing up, I always had this fantasy that I would fall in love with an African Prince and we would go back to his country and I would be a princess, who would eventually become a queen and I would rule over an African kingdom. My husband and I would be so in love with each other even after 50 years. He would still look at me like he was falling in love with me everyday, and I would look at him to let him know that I didn’t want anyone else. And we would be happy. Not the “happy” that you see today where couples hold hands, kiss every once in a while, but they have become more like roommates than people that were once head over heels in love with each other. I don't want that “happy”. I don't want to live that that’s what being in love looks like that and what being married is all about. I want my kids to look at us and say, “Wow, my momma and daddy really love each other.” I want them to know that finding someone to do forever with is not only possible but also enjoyable. I want them to know what love is, what love looks like, how love feels, and most importantly HOW to love. I want my children to see examples of love and kindness DAILY! But, in order to do that, they need an example. They need people to show them. 

I was thinking earlier, but what if I don't get that. What if I don't find someone who wants to do forever with me? What if I never get to know the joy of being with the same person for 50 years? But the scariest thought that I had was what if I found someone and we begin our lives together, and then they decide that their plans have changed. They no longer want me in their life? What would I do? How would I cope? Would I be strong enough to let them go? Brave enough to accept the new reality that would be my life? or Would I chicken out and continue living in a false reality for the sake of keeping up appearances? 

I’d like to believe that I would have the courage, the strength and the bravery to walk away. The common sense to know when to leave a place where I am no longer wanted, cherished, or appreciated. I hope that I would have the strength to look at the huge mountain in front of me and know without a doubt in my mind, that I could overcome it. Believing that I would be better on the other side. Trusting myself enough to know that whatever happens I can handle it. With or without the help of others, the person that I am is good enough to be alone. 

Sometimes I look at movies and TV shows and I wonder if they know what they’re portraying to young girls the idea that we need to wait for a someone to come along and make us whole. The idea that girls are not to be anything more than just a damsel in distress, WRONG! We are girls who will one day become women who have the ability to rule the world. We have the ability to bring life into this world. Without us, most guys wouldn't know their head from toes. We are important and we deserve to know that. I think that it’s about time to teach young girls that they don't need a boyfriend to be great, because they are great all by themselves. 

So maybe one day I’ll get my prince and together we could rule the kingdom. Maybe one day will never come and I’ll be by myself. Maybe I’ll meet someone one day and we’ll just click and live happily ever after. Maybe happily ever after only lasts a few years.

Regardless of how my life turns out, I want to have the strength to accept the life that I've had, the cards that I've been dealt and to know that I am important, special and worthy of anything that I want in this life. Regardless of what happens, I want to have the strength to look myself in the mirror and like LOVE who is looking back at me.Because I am enough all by myself! 💋

~ And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!~

Roots: Episode 1

I finally was able to watch the Roots remake this weekend and I am beyond impressed. The way that the filming was done, how the actors really became their role and most importantly to me how accurate the life of a slave was portrayed. I think sometimes there is a temptation to sugarcoat life; even the bad things, ESPECIALLY the bad things. We don’t want people seeing the bad and getting angry so we try to find the bright side in horrible situations. I'm really glad that they didn't do that with Roots. They were able to find a cast who were willing to go the extra mile to make their pain and suffering jump at you through the screen. 

Now for my thoughts. Watching the first episode I definitely shed a few tears, okay more than a few. I cried! The way that slaves were viewed and treated was enough to make me appreciate how far black people have come. Watching Roots made me appreciate my ancestors and the struggles that they went through so that I could be who I am today. I know that they had no idea at the time, but they were shaping my life. They were paving the way for me to be successful. They made all of my dreams, goals, and aspirations a possibility. I know that does not make what they went through okay, DEFINITELY NOT, but I feel like if I were them, I would at least want to know that my sufferings were not in vain. 

Several questions that kept popping into my head while I was watching it were how did one human being look at another human being and decide that they do not deserve to be treated the same because their skin color is different? How did you look into someone else’s eyes and tell them that they are less than the pigs? How did you sleep at night knowing that you have drained the joy, happiness and purpose from someone’s life? How did you teach your children that this was acceptable? But most important questions were geared towards the white children. How did you not question what you were taught? Did you put up resistance into believing that one entire race was unworthy? Did you just willingly accept it because that’s what daddy said? How did you look at another kid your age and hate them just because their skin was darker than yours? 

Because racism, slavery and the whole nine yards does not makes sense to me and here’s why. We were all made the same and got here the same way! A man and a woman got together and had you. Whether they were white, black, Asian, Russian, purple, orange, or brown. They were PEOPLE who gave created and gave birth to another PERSON. Based on that logic, blacks/Africans were and are people too. Their skin was just darker than yours. There was no special lab that you (white people) were made in. There was nothing in you that was not in them. 

People are people. Regardless of race, color, or orientation, they are required and deserve to be known and recognized as people. They are not to be referred to as animals or less than worthy because they look or talk different. A person is a person and no one can ever or should ever take that away from them or you!

That’s what I took away from the first episode. My plan is to reflect after each episode. I hope you guys enjoy this little mini-series. 💋  

           ~  And that’s the way the cookie crumbles! ~

Pen VS Sword

 Growing up, parents find it enlightening to teach us in parables, phrases, or those stupid witty anecdotes. I don't see why because we never figure out what they mean until we're older. I guess thinking about it now, that’s the whole point. While we don't understand at the age of 7 how in the world a PEN is stronger than a SWORD, when life decides to no longer play with kiddie gloves, those same stupid witty anecdotes come to mind and then the light bulb goes off. It all falls into place. Then we call mom and dad and tell them that we get it. It makes sense. While we still don't understand why they didn't just explain it to us when we were younger, we get it, and we’re grateful that they were there to help.

But still there are some of you reading this who has no idea what I'm taking about. And to you guys I say that I was once like you. I mean common if we went into a fighting ring and I have a pen and you have a sword. It’s common sense as to who is gonna win. The sword. Until one day, I realized that the "fighting ring" I had imagined was everyday life and interacting with everyday people. Your barista at Starbucks, the cashier guy at Target or the nosy neighbors down the road. Everyday when we wake up, we have a decision to make. Am I going to fight with my sword or my pen?

Now you’re probably thinking that I've lost it but bear with me. Let's breathe some life into these fictional weapons of choice. Let's say that the sword is harsh words, rude comments, retaliation and negativity. And let's make the pen kindness, compassion, love, and forgiveness. Now just for the heck of it, let's just imagine we're at the mall and someone calls you a bad word. Rude Much! And now your friends are looking at you and asking you what are you gonna do? How are you going to respond? Are you going to respond with the same rude comments and make them feel the same way that they just made you feel, or are you going to choose to make them feel better? Are you going to choose the high road? I hope that you would choose to stop spreading negativity. While the easy option is to pick up your sword and fight back, I hope that you choose to pick up your pen and be kind. Treat them with the compassion and humanity that they didn't bother giving to you. 

I know that it isn't the normal thing to do. Trust me, as much as I try, sometimes you have to pick up your sword. Sometimes you have to fight back, but not always. Sometimes we have to make the hard decision and use the pen, and spread the good. We have to make the conscious choose to be different, to give back love rather than continuing to spread the hate. Especially in today’s society with a lot of negativity, it feels pretty awesome to play a role in being a part of the good.  💕

               ~ And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!~